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Pressure to be a ‘supermum’ affecting women’s mental health

  • Unrealistic portrayals of motherhood on social media and in popular culture are impacting mums’ self-confidence and self esteem
  • The term ‘supermum’ can be detrimental and prevent mums from asking for help
  • Bupa UK teams up with Helene the Illustrator on a series of illustrations to highlight the challenges of motherhood and launches #unfilteryourlife campaign urging women to have authentic conversations about mental health

Pressure to achieve ‘supermum’ status is having a detrimental effect on the mental health of UK mums.

New research from leading health insurer, Bupa UK, finds nearly two-thirds of mums (63%) surveyed1 agree they have driven themselves to exhaustion with the pressure to be a ‘supermum’, with one in five (20%) saying the plight has affected their mental health.

A fear of judgement and people seeing their imperfections has also led to mums masking or ‘filtering’ their lives. Almost one in three (31%) mums say it makes them put on a facade of coping to appear infallible and 43% agree they struggle to ask even their partner for support.  More worrying is that almost one third (29%) of mums agree they have sought help from a medical professional for mental health concerns, but kept it a secret from their loved ones.

A ’supermum’ is defined as an exemplary or exceptional mother, especially one who successfully manages a home and brings up children while having a full-time job. The term is frequently used in society to compliment mothers or acknowledge their achievements.

Bupa UK’s research, however, shows it can be damaging to depict mums in this way, with three quarters (75%) of mums agreeing that portraying or calling mums super can be harmful to their mental health.

On the back of the findings, Bupa UK is encouraging mums to be honest about their mental health, and the challenges of parenting. And to bring those challenges to life, the health insurer has teamed up with Helene the Illustrator, a mum of one, who has built up a popular following for her honest illustrations depicting experiences of motherhood. Helene has created a series of sketches highlighting the struggles mums face trying to attain ‘supermum’ status and how they cope with the pressure.

Setting unrealistic expectations

Bupa UK’s research goes on to explore what triggers mums into believing they need to be a ‘supermum’. The main source of pressure identified is social media. Half (50%) of mums surveyed said influencers on social media, celebrity posts (48%) and social posts from other mums (47%) made them feel they had to live up to unrealistic standards.

Recognising the power of social media to influence women’s expectations of themselves and how this impacts mental health, Bupa UK is launching a new social campaign urging women to embrace the unfiltered life. Through user-generated content, #unfilteryourlife will bring to light the ‘false reality’ of life on social and encourage women to have more authentic conversations about their mental health and open up on the challenges of perfectionism.

Dr Naomi Humber, clinical psychologist and Head of Mental Wellbeing at Bupa UK, commented: “It’s clear that social media can be a source of difficulty for many mothers as they compare their situation to the glossy images they see whilst scrolling. While some mums will find this type of content helpful or inspirational, what’s important is learning not to compare themselves and to see things for what they really are.”

Tara, 31 from Horsham, is mother to three under three and runs her own small business: “It’s all too easy to fall into the social media trap of thinking I have to be a perfect ‘housewife’ or a ‘supermum’ who has a spotless, tidy and toy-free home, cooks homemade meals daily and does it all whilst looking glamorous. The reality is that I’m a tired mum who is up 2-3 times a night. I use all my free time, of which there is very little, to cram in household chores and pack and post orders for my business.”

For one third (33%) seeing the depiction of motherhood on Reality TV influences their expectations on themselves. Sadly, this has led to more than one in 10 mums admitting they feel resentful towards other mums. Mums also cite newspapers and magazines (23%) as fuelling their perceived need to be perfect. In a media audit carried out by Bupa UK, the ‘supermum’ label is often applied to mothers who are bringing up multiple children, or those excelling in sports, at work or even household management.(*).

No guilt-free ‘me time’

Another trend that came across strongly in the research was that mothers are not getting enough downtime. Nearly seven in 10 (69%) agree to feeling guilty about taking time out for themselves and almost half (49%) agree they don’t feel they deserve it. Around one in three mums (31%) agree they have never even spent a night away from their kids.

And this mum guilt means that even when there is an opportunity to enjoy a break, a staggering just over 8 in 10 (81%) mums opt to do household chores such as cooking, housework, or life admin rather than relaxing, believing any downtime should be used productively.1 

Positively, mums are trying some healthy and positive ways to decompress from the daily pressures of parenting. Meditation and mindfulness were cited as a coping mechanism as well as exercise. Communication is also key - talking with other mums, using online forums, and joining parenting groups are just some of the ways mums share their burden.

Dr Naomi Humber continues: “Mothering is already a 24/7 job and it’s often done alongside work, yet the high expectations put on them, which are sometimes self-imposed, are unrelenting. The pandemic has likely worsened the situation, with challenges such as home schooling and nursery and school closures adding to mums’ mental load. The research has shown that many mums are struggling to reach out for help or allow themselves crucial downtime. It is imperative that mothers have the capacity to put themselves first so they can continue to nurture those around them.”

That’s why at Bupa, we have been investing in our mental health services for our UK health insurance customers, including cover for more conditions, ongoing support for longer term conditions and support to families through our Family Mental HealthLine.”

Since 2020, the Bupa Foundation has donated more than £500,000 to women’s health and family mental health charities. For more information, visit https://www.bupafoundation.org/

For further advice and guidance on mental health and wellbeing, and how to access support visit https://www.bupa.co.uk/health/health-insurance/mental-health/advice-and-tools

Table 1: The main sources of pressure to be a ‘supermum’

Source of pressure to be a ‘supermum’ % of mums who said this
Social media influencers 50%
Celebrities posting on social media 48%
Other mums on social media 47%
Reality TV 31%
TV and film 30%
Other mothers 26%
Stories in newspapers and magazines 23%
Online discussion forums (i.e., mums/parenting/women's discussion groups) 22%

 

Table 2: How mums use their downtime (combining ‘strongly agree’ and ‘somewhat agree’ answers)

How mums use their downtime % of mums who said this
I tend to use any time on my own to do household jobs - i.e., cooking, housework, life admin 81%
I often use any time out to watch TV, surf internet or catch-up on social media 73%
I tend to use any time on my own to see friends and family 42%
I often use any time out on my own to enjoy hobbies (reading, crafts, painting etc) 39%
I tend to use any time out on my own to exercise (running, walking) 36%

  1. Throughout ‘agree’ refers to the results for ‘strongly agree’ and ‘somewhat agree’ combined
  2. 76% of mothers surveyed agree they feel the need to be always productive

Notes to editors

Bupa UK commissioned Censuswide to poll 1,030 UK mothers with children between the ages of 0-16. The data was collected between 26.01.2022 - 28.01.2022. Censuswide abides by and employs members of the Market Research Society and follows the MRS code of conduct which is based on the ESOMAR principles.

*An audit of popular national media outlets was conducted by Third City to show the prevalence of the term ‘supermum’ / ‘super mum’ / ‘super mother’ / ‘super-mum’ and the context it is used in between July - December 2021.

For more information please contact:

Freya Bugeja
Third City PR
T: 07709 710488
E: [email protected]

About Bupa UK

Bupa's purpose is helping people live longer, healthier, happier lives and making a better world.

Health insurance accounts for a large part of our business with Bupa UK Insurance, the UK’s leading health insurer, providing health insurance to 2.3 million people. Bupa Global is the premium health insurance arm of Bupa, serving 490,000 customers around the world. Bupa Dental Care is the leading provider of private dentistry in the UK, providing dental services in 488 centres across the UK and Ireland. Bupa Care Services has around 6,000 residents in over 120 care homes, and 10 Richmond care villages. Bupa Health Services comprises 50 health clinics, and the Cromwell Hospital in London which provides care for insured, self-pay and international patients. Bupa directly employs around 23,000 people in the UK.

Bupa UK’s mental health services include cover for more conditions, ongoing support for longer term conditions and further support to families who are worried about their child’s mental wellbeing through the Family Mental HealthLine. Fast access to support is also available through Bupa’s Mental Health Direct Access service, which allows insurance customers to speak to a specialist without needing a GP referral. To find out more details, please visit our Mental Health Hub.